You’ve heard of self care. I don’t have to tell you what it is or how important it is (although I’ll kinda do the latter anyway).
I do want to start by saying that Self Care is a phrase that’s been massively and dangerously co-opted by beauty companies in a super annoying (but kinda convincing way). “Buy my ridiculously overpriced wrinkle cream because it’s worth it for your self care.” Yuck. First of all, let’s not turn self care into another obligation to be physically perfect. Self care is not using a product that makes you feel like NOT using it means you’re old and ugly. As we know, that’s the BIGGEST SIN IMAGINABLE.
Second, if paying more money for a skin care product that does the exact same thing as the products that cost 1/3 of the price at the grocery store is something that genuinely makes you feel good, have at it. I’ve got you. I support it. (It’s kind of akin to buying a designer handbag. It’s not my thing, but I don’t judge others who get a kick out of this and I’m tired of the financial advise geared toward women that this is something to be ashamed of.
I also want to point out that self care can come in many forms. It doesn’t have to be massages (although it FOR SURE is for me) and meditation and yoga. Again, all valid forms. It can also look like:
– not going to a party you don’t have the social battery for
– hiding in your room away from all the other people in your household to read or watch a true crime docuseries and play Tile Master 3D on your phone (I don’t recommend this app. It’s completely ruined my life because I want to play it all the time)
– hiring a bookkeeper or a social media manager or a housekeeper (even just once for a deep clean) to get some stuff off your plate
– taking a few minutes to step outside and breathe fresh air or walking to the mailbox before you get going on your next tasl
– parking your kids in front of a movie so you can have JUST NINETY MINUTES to yourself
– seeing a therapist to work on something that’s consistently plaguing you
I could go on and on, but my point is, don’t let others dictate what self care means to you. Especially people who are trying to sell you stuff.
And in case you are one of those people who hear “self care” and worry that people will think you’re selfish, or feel like you get your self-esteem from working a million hours or be constantly prioritizing other people (because although we talk about self care, we always speak the most fondly of the people who don’t practice it in favor or helping others), consider the sentence we’ve all (hopefully) heard by now:
You can’t fill from an empty cup.
You really can’t. You spend all that energy on other people, your cup empties. You have nothing left to give. You’re no good to anyone – not your family, not your friends, not your clients and customers.
I’ve worked 7-day weeks and come the 8th day I don’t even want to THINK about bookkeeping. But here I am setting the expectation that I’ll be “on” for another 5 days, and yet not having the mental capacity to produce quality work and be kind about it at the same time. This can cause SUFFERING for the very people I’m trying to serve.
We all have business/financial goals: reach a certain income level, hire an employee, outsource your bookkeeping, save X% for retirement or retire early
And probably physical health goals: run 20 minutes a day, do 100 sit ups, lose 10 pounds, look good in a bikini, eat more heart healthy
But what about self care goals? What if instead of, in the waaaaaay back of your mind, you set some self care goals for yourself? It could be as simple as making a list of the things that refresh you and bring you joy and promising that you’ll spend 5 or 10 or 10 minutes or an hour or whatever is feasible to you doing something on that list.
Be specific about. Don’t just put “self care” on your list, or “do yoga.” Pick a number, a frequency, a deadline. Some examples are:
- take 5 minutes to meditate after lunch 5 days/week
- stop working 30 minutes before the kids get home 2x/a week to do FILL IN SELF CARE ACTIVITY
- repeat a mantra 5x every morning at 6am
- have a 60-minute massage 1x/month
- have a glass of wine and talk to a friend for at least 20 minutes 1x/week
- go to bed by 9pm 4x/week to get better sleep
- make a list of at least 3 positive things that happened that day before bed every night
There are so many things you can do, but just like everything, it’s too easy to put them on the back burner. Write them down on post-its, schedule it in your calendar, create a little goal spreadsheet and tick off the days you complete them (for nerds like me).
Just go do it. Make it happen. Fill that cup!